Reflections and Realizations
by kristleap
Summary: This story is for Paula. It was written for a prompt she posted in S&HFAFF. I want to thank Acmabry for all her help. Hutch is doing some reflecting after the Woodfield case.
Moon is dead, Whitfield's in jail and Dobey has justice for Douglas. Starsk and I are taking a much needed break. We had celebrated earlier that afternoon with Rosie and now we're relaxing with beer and pizza, watching one of Starsky's favorite B rated horror movies. With Starsk engrossed and repeating it line for line, I find my mind wandering. This case has had me reflecting and realizing a lot about the past.

I can't help but think of when I took those first steps to correct my path in life and entered the academy. That was the first time I laid eyes on Starsk. We couldn't be more different physically if we had planned it. When he walked over and shook my hand, the look in his eyes and his touch made my heart skip a beat. I don't know if it was the electrical charge going between us or the tug of war between my head and heart. My head was telling me to turn and run, my heart was telling me… never let go. I'd never felt this before. I had parents, friends, even a wife and yet I still had never felt this type of powerful connection. My mind gave up the fight and I fell head first into something I'd never had before and would die before I'd ever give it up.

We've gone through so much together - he's never left my side nor I his. I remember like it was yesterday, when he was there for me after I killed Corman. I knew I had no choice but that didn't make it any easier, I'd killed a fellow brother in blue. Starsky helped me realize that, although Corman had a badge, he didn't have honor.

I'll never forget Starsky saving me from an eternal life in hell or an early death after I got away from Forrest's goons. He never left my side. Starsky likes to say I did all the work and he just kept me company, but I know that's not the case.

I like to think that I've been there for him a time or two. I remember how hard he took the Lonnie Craig shooting. Lonnie's age and wasted youth is what haunted Starsky. And, if that wasn't enough, Starsky had to deal with a wacko killing cops and blaming him for it. I will never forget his loathing and unquenched anger towards Prudholm. Following him to the old zoo was a decision I'll never regret.

I also had the honor to help him deal with the death of Helen. Starsky only wanted justice for Helen and Jim. I loved being able to bring him a little joy with the Paul Muni Special.

I think about Starsk and me sitting around another table, the kitchen table at Dobey's, strategizing about the case. It felt so normal to be bantering with Starsky. I'd been teasing him about being left handed after he pulled a fast one on me. This was my way of getting even. We were acting like two young brothers bickering at the breakfast table. Dobey was acting like our father chastising us, even ordering me to answer the phone.

It was then that I realized I have what I'd always wanted as a child. I had had any and everything money could buy. But, I never had what should have been free and given: love and acceptance. It became clear that, unlike my father, all Starsky, Dobey, and the rest wanted was for me to be happy. It was such a wonderful change from someone wanting something from me to someone wanting something for me. I didn't have to earn their respect, it was accepted. I knew I had the brother I'd always wanted in Starsky and now realize I had the dad I'd always wanted in Dobey. I had had a father but never a dad. It had always left an empty place that I never thought would be filled. With Starsky, Dobey, Huggy, Edith, Cal and Rosie, I realized for the first time, I had the family I'd always dreamt of.

I'm brought back to the present with a pillow to my face. As I throw it back, Starsky flashes that famous one of a kind smile.

"Where ya been Blitz?" he asks.

"Right here, where I want to be, home." I answer back, with a feeling of contentment in my heart.

Starsky says, "Well, if you're so at home how - about makin' some popcorn."

So, I head to the kitchen for popcorn, realizing I am hungry for some, too. But, knowing that I'm full of love and peace and happiness – for I am home.


End file.
